Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
