He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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