i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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