i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
