M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
