my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I faked an abortion last night.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize