Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
