ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
