I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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