Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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