its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
