are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
