I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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