Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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