Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize