I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
