I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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