I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
pray to the hookup gods
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
