Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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