I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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