I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
No more Irish car bombs ever.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
