I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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