well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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