i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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