You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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