If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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