So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
