You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Randomize
