she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
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RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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