so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
