dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
