FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
