Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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