You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
