is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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