i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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