I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
