And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
