new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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