the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
