I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
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Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
His nipple licking is glorious
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize