ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
