Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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