I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
