I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
