I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
