my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
