You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
