Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
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i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
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woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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