Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
