Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
