I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
