Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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