the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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