I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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