You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Text me some of your sweat
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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