we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
