when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hippo gnu deer
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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