Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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