i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
The best revenge is premature balding
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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