I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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