I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
