Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
