Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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