I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
