I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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